Disclaimer

I am a childbirth educator, lecturer, doula, and natural mother of eight children. This is not a medical reference; I do not proclaim to give medical advice. Anything stated here is from personal experience, research, study, and opinion. Each woman has the responsibility to do her own research, consult with her own medical team, and make her own decisions about pregnancy and birth.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Absolute faith: A Father’s Perspective!


Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim
Photo Credit: Ben Earwicker www.garrisonphoto.org/sxc
In October I posted a touching story (Absolute Faith) about the loss of a pregnancy that brought tears and a smile.  I introduced the story by saying, “…I am so honored that they have shared their story here.  It's one that brings tears and a smile at the same time.  It's tragic, yet beautiful.  I am truly inspired by their absolute faith in Allah…
Well, last week I had an offline chat message that I had hoped wouldn’t come.  Even so, I’m touched and amazed, once again, at this dear couple and their absolute faith!  I love them dearly and am, again, honored to share their story here.  This time we have the father’s perspective, which I rarely get and always love.  
Make sure you read all the way through the story as I’ve shared some excerpts from our chat message at the end of their story.  I can’t say enough just how inspirational their faith is.  May Allah continue to bless and keep them…AMEEN! 
I hope you enjoy reading these birth stories.  Please let me know if you'd like to share yours. Now on to the story...Absolute faith: A Father’s Perspective!...  
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In The Name Of Allah
The Beneficent, The Most Merciful

My name is Umar.  I’m the young husband from the “Absolute Faith” birth story.  For those of you who might not be familiar with our story, my wife Salihah and I were expecting earlier this year.  It turned out that my wife had uterine fibroids…. and many of them.  We were told by our doctor that it would be a 50/50 chance of having a full term pregnancy and that if it did go that long…. it would be a difficult pregnancy.  Well, it turned out that my wife gave birth to our son Yusuf at 22 weeks and he passed away in my arms. 

Sounds tragic, but we as Muslims believe that a child taken by Allah before the age of puberty goes straight to Paradise and will even intercede for us on the Day of Judgment.  Our friends and family were more upset than we were.  We had planned to have Yusuf and tried so for almost a year.  We had also planned to hold off for a short while before trying again, but as we go through life we are constantly reminded that we are in control of nothing and Allah controls everything. 

A few months after we had buried our son, my wife had come to me with that “late” talk again.  I didn’t understand because we had tried our best to be careful and to NOT become pregnant.  At least that’s what we thought.  Yeah, she was pregnant.  Only 3 months after giving birth, I had managed to knock her up again.  Everyone was looking at me like, “Umar… you just couldn’t help yourself, could you.”  She’s the one who married a Puerto Rican.  She knew what that meant waaaay before we got married, lol.

We knew not much had changed in terms of her fibroid problem, but we wanted to try something different.  We’re really not big fans of pills and Pharmaceutical medicine.  We’re more of natural herbalists.  After all, this is where they get the active ingredients in the first place, without all the side effects.  We had made the decision not to take any medications other than herbal remedies and to limit our doctor visits.  We just didn’t see the point in paying money we didn’t have to go to the doctor only to hear the same thing every month.

We had one doctor visit early in the pregnancy, just to make sure everything was ok and it was Alhamdulilah (Praise be to Allah).  We also found out that ultra sound scans heat up the amniotic fluid and that’s why the baby always moves around when you’re scanning, because you’re basically turning the sac into a Jacuzzi. 

So we started on a healthy diet of fruits and vegetables, herbs and natural oils.  The best that we could afford and everything seemed to be going just fine.  Last pregnancy she bled everyday for the first 3 months, but not a spot this time.  Last pregnancy she was achy and cramping, but this time she was fine, although she was nauseous this time and threw up a lot.  She was turned off by so many foods it was ridiculous, but it felt more like a natural pregnancy to her and this is what we wanted so we were pleased.

Me on the other hand, I had this lust filled desire for 7up that could not be explained.  Every day I just had to have it and could not go a day without it.  It got so bad that I gave it a new name… “Crack” like the drug.  I still am not sure if my craving had anything to do with my wife being pregnant, but I never liked soda this much before…. even as a child.

This pregnancy went pretty smooth the entire time.  No medications needed, no rushing to the doctor, no sleepless nights, just smooth.  We were beginning to wonder if it was the absence of all of the Pharmaceutical drugs that we took in the previous pregnancy.  We were very happy with the decision not to take drugs and to just use natural remedies.  It seemed to have been paying off, but like I said before Allah controls everything and nothing we do can alter what He has planned for us.

We were in the 19th week reaching up to the point where we had Yusuf. 
We were pretty confident that things would be better until Sal came to me one day.  We were in the kitchen and she said, “I have to talk to you.”  This sentence very rarely leads to something good.  She said that her mucous plug had come out and I was like, “huh… you need a tissue to blow your nose or something?”  She then explained what the mucous plug was and what it meant if it came out.  “Here we go again” I thought to myself and prepared for any and everything.

It was around 9 at night so I decided to take a nap just in case if she went into labor I wouldn’t be half asleep stumbling around and of no use to her, so I slept.  About a half hour later, I was awaken by Sal saying that she was in pain and couldn’t move.  I sat there not sure if I was still dreaming or not, so I just sat there and listened to her breath heavily.  I stared at the floor most of the time, thinking that I would wake up any second now, but I didn’t and had to get up to prepare the bathtub for her.  As I walked by her she grabbed my arm and squeezed.  It was then that I realized that….this was no dream. 

I walked to the bathroom with my wife’s hand imprinted in my arm.  She could not stand upright and had to crawl to the bathroom as I ran a hot bath for her.  I helped her up and walked away not realizing that she just might need me to help her in the tub, which she grabbed me again and told me.  The hot water seemed to help a little with the contractions, but it didn’t stop the baby from coming any sooner.  I sat there on the toilet and showered her with more hot water until she decided to crouch on her feet in preparation for the delivery.  I stumbled into the hallway still half asleep and not really ready to witness another birth right in front of my eyes.  I was getting cold and light headed.  When I peeped back into the bathroom, the sight of blood and other “stuff” added dizzy to the list of things I was feeling.

As I was outside dealing with my issues Sal pushed out the entire sac, still intact.  As she broke the sac, there was our son, who we named Muhammad Abdur-Rahman, still-born.  I tied and cut the umbilical cord, then washed him off.  Sal cleaned herself off and was feeling a lot better.  We wrapped him up and like Yusuf, had no choice but to keep him with us the entire night. 

We prayed the funeral prayer the next day at masjid Taqwa with our beloved Sheikh Yasser Birhami leading it.  It was a real honor for me to have him do that.  Then the brothers helped us bury him in Sidi Bishr.  It was quick and painless and we were grateful to Allah first and then to all the brothers who helped us accomplish an almost impossible task.  Trust me, the Egyptians do not like when you have your babies at home and don’t make it easy for you to get the necessary papers needed for a burial.

Again it was pleasing to know that we had another child with Allah and it was pleasing to know that he was with his parents rather than strangers in some hospital.  The one thing that kept playing over and over in our heads was the fact that we tried something different only to have the same result.  That was confirmation that no matter what you do; Allah is the final judge as to what the outcome will be.  Maybe Allah doesn’t have it written for us to have children at this time, if ever.  Maybe He has something bigger planned for us, we don’t know, but He does and we can never question our Lord for He is the All Knower of everything and until people realize that, they will continue to be hurt and upset over things they think they planned and prepared for.  You can visit all the doctors in the world and take all the drugs in the world, but if Allah has it written for that child to die, then that’s what will happen and on the flip side, you can do absolutely nothing and have the biggest healthiest baby.  It’s all part of Allah’s plan and you just need to have faith, that’s all…. just have faith.

The Prophet (pbuh) said: If any woman amongst you loses three of her children (before puberty), those children will surely be a shield for her against Hell.A woman asked: “Is it valid also for women who lose two children?” Upon this, the Prophet (pbuh) replied: “Yes, it is the same for those who lose two children. (Bukhari, Muslim)

The Prophet (pbuh) said: Children who died before puberty are very lively in Heaven, they are like rattling fish. One of them meets his/her parents and takes hold of their clothes and does not let it go until Allah lets his/her parents into Heaven with him/her. (Jamiu’s Saghir, 3/2364).

----- MY COMMENTS -----

I cannot express enough just how honored and inspired I am by this young couple.  I feel truly blessed to share this story and this time in their lives.  I have learned so much from them and am so grateful that they have chosen to share their experiences with me, alhamdulelah. 

I pray that this story reaches and inspires many and that others find comfort by their example of absolute faith! Please pray with me for their continued blessings and may they be greeted at the gates of Jenna by their two young sons…Ameen!

----- LIVE CHAT RECORD -----
Umm Yusuf:  As Salaamu Alaykum, I really need to talk with you, Insha'Allah

Natural Mom:  Wa Alaikum Asalam, sure, what’s up?

Umm Yusuf:   Jazakallah, I think I’m miscarrying what do I do?

Natural Mom: oh no ... may Allah protect you, what’s happening?

(Text with details deleted)

Natural Mom:  Have you called your doctor?

Umm Yusuf:  Yeah, do you think I will have to give birth again or just pass the baby?

Natural Mom:  birth

Umm Yusuf:  oh, lol, all right then

Natural Mom:  It’s big enough to be considered a still-born, not miscarriage…by Egyptian law, at 15 weeks there will be death documents

Umm Yusuf:  I was hoping I wouldn’t have to go through that

Natural Mom:  I know  may Allah protect guide and provide peace

Umm Yusuf:  It’s ok...All is as Allah wills it

Natural Mom:  Yes, Allahu alim

Umm Yusuf:  I think he or she has a soul, so another intercessor for me...yey Insha'Allah

Natural Mom:  Masha’Allah, your so precious masha’Allah.  Is Umar home?

Umm Yusuf:  Yeah, he's here, Alhadmulillah, I already talked to him

Natural Mom: Alhamdulelah

Umm Yusuf:  We are prepared, Insha'Allah

Natural Mom:  I know, I’m so proud of u

Umm Yusuf:  Baby is still active

Natural Mom:  I pray for the miracle

Umm Yusuf:  the miracle has already been given to me, life inside of me again..Alhamdulillah, and if he/she is going to Allah we did our job as parents

Natural Mom:  Masha’Allah, it’s such a blessing to hear your faith.  Wallahi, I’m so honored to be with u now

Umm Yusuf:  Insha'Allah…no Alhamdulillah for you

Natural Mom:  jzk...ur such a sweetie

Umm Yusuf:  Wa yazakum...

Natural Mom:  Have you called your doctor?

Umm Yusuf: yeh...

Natural Mom:  Nothing she can do i assume?

Umm Yusuf:  I just wanted to see what you had to say

Natural Mom:  Pray, and relax, there are drugs to stop labor, but you’re so early still, I don’t know if they will use them

Umm Yusuf:  Insha'Allah can I still make salaat?

Natural Mom:  of course, if you don’t have blood

Umm Yusuf:  I'm not trying to play Allah... anything can happen from here but we have to be realistic

Natural Mom:  Absolutely, prepare for the worst, pray for the best

Umm Yusuf:  Exactly.

Natural Mom:  I’m here if you need me...but I think your so strong, mash’Allah

Umm Yusuf:  Jazakallahu Khayran for you input and support

Natural Mom:  wa iyaki

Umm Yusuf:  I'll let you know how it goes, Insha'Allah

Natural Mom:  Jzk...I’m waiting.  I think you'll be more serene at home if there is nothing the doctor can offer.

Umm Yusuf:  I’m sorry for the trauma...

Natural Mom:  Are u kidding?  It’s my honor!  I’m so happy u came to me.

Umm Yusuf:  Ok shukran

Natural Mom:  Ok sister, keep me posted, any time, night or day

Umm Yusuf:  Ok, Ukhty, Jazakallah again

Natural Mom: Waiyakm, salam alaikum and dua for the best from Allah

Umm Yusuf:  Ameen, Wa Alaykum Salaam Wa Rahmatullah

----- OFFLINE MESSAGE 12:50 AM -----
Umm Yusuf:  As Salaamu Alaykum...Sorry I know it’s late, just wanted to let you know that I had Muhammad Abdul Rahman an hour ago. He was born in his sack of waters intact but did not take a breath in this dunya.  Alhamdulillah, Allah answered my dua's and made the labor easy for me. I think I was only actively laboring for half an hour.
Umm Yusuf:  We are arranging his burial for tomorrow morning, Insha'Allah. Umm Yusuf:  I just wanted to let you know that you have been an inspiration to us (Umar and I) and we thank you for all the experience that you passed onto us and support that you have given. May Allah bless you abundantly and grant you and your family the highest Jannah, Ameen.
Umm Yusuf:  He was a little bit smaller than Yususf, being born at 19 weeks and 3 days and his older brother preceding him by 3 weeks at 22 weeks and 4 days.  We thank Allah for answering our Dua's and we accept it when he makes a decision about what transpires in his creation.  Insha'Allah, we will have two handsome boys/men waiting for us at the gates of Jannah.  I will be happy to see them.  Love and salaams.
----- MY EMAIL REPLY-----
Asalam alaikum arahmatuallah wa barakatu,

From Allah we come and to him we return, alhamdulelah.  I'm sorry for your loss but also very inspired by your faith, masha'Allah.  Jzk for your duas, you are truly an amazing sister, masha'Allah. 

My prayers and thoughts are with you.  I'll ask you more about it later.

Send my salams and condolences to Umar as well.  Dua I meet your lovely family in Jenna as well.  :)

Best regards and with much love,

-Aisha

8 comments:

  1. I cannot imagine a more moving story or that anyone could read this entire article and not have tears rolling down their cheeks.

    My sincere condolences, prayers and will keep this special couple in my thoughts and heart.

    ReplyDelete
  2. May Allah give them good in this life and the next. Subhallah what a touching story. May Allah bless them with more kids and keep their faith to grow each day.

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  3. As salaamu alaikum, this is truly an inspiring story and excellent reminder that NOTHING is in our hands. ALL is the will of Allaah. Jazakallaahu khairan for sharing.

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  4. Masha'Allah they are so strong! May Allah compensate them with something better for their loss ameen. May Allah grant them another pregnancy that Sal carries to full term and delivers a healthy baby ameen.

    ReplyDelete
  5. As Salaamu Alaykum,

    Jazakallahu Khayran all for your kind words and prayers. Alhamdulilah we're both fine. This is just another reminder that this life is only a temporary place and our real home is with Allah in Jannah. We're nothing special, we just believe in everything that Allah promises us, as should all the believers. I hope and pray that our life can be an inspiration to get you all closer to your Lord and to put all your trust in everything He has decided for you, ameen. We thank you again from the bottom of our hearts.

    My husband writes to raise awareness about the things that I just mentioned and the times that we are living in. He writes under Anthony Umar Navarro and we could all benefit from his work.

    We ask that you support my husbands writing. He has some articles published at www.scribd.com/LIVfor1 and insha'Allah has two books coming soon on amazon.com. Please share his work with everyone you know.

    With Love
    Umm Yusuf

    ReplyDelete
  6. Asalam Alaikum,

    Thanks to all of you for taking the time to read and comment. Ameen to the many duas noted above.

    Please take time to see Abo Yusuf's writing (Anthony Umar Navarro) as noted in Umm yusuf's comment above.

    Dua for all the best for this couple, may Allah bless and keep them in this life and the next...Ameen.

    Best regards,

    Aisha, Natural Mom

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  7. UmmuYahya SultaanhJune 30, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    Innaa lillaahi wa innaa ilaihi raaji'oon. And May He bless you with better than it Ameen. I forgot to say this your first baby, may Allaah forgive me. Ameen.
    I pray InshaaAllaah that you still consider taking the medicine i spoke about in your last article because truly everything is by decree but we must keep working for what we desire. This is part of faith and what is meant when Ali narrated that "one day the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) was sitting with a wooden stick in his hand with which he was scratching the ground. He raised his head and said "there is none of you but has his place assigned either in the fire or in Paradise." They said, "O Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) Why should we carry on doing good deeds then, shall we depend (on Al-qadar) and give up work? The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said "No, but carry on doing good deeds, for everyone will find easy (to do) such deeds as will lead him to that for which he has been created "then he recited this ayat:
    "As for him who gives (in charity)and keeps his duty to Allah and fears Him, and believes in Al Husna (Tawheed, path of righteousness) we will make smooth for him the path of ease, goodness..(92:5-10)" Muslim vol.4)

    So inshaaAllaah, do not skip a day inshaaAllaah and i know you have conviction in Our Lord so do not think as if you will never have rather make duaa and be firm in it's resolve! Love you for the sake of Allaah.

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  8. Salam alaikum, ya Ukhty, UmmuYahya Sultaanh,

    Jzk for reading, commenting, advising, and praying. Ameen to your duas!

    I've forwarded your comments on to the mama of the story.

    Best regards,

    -Aisha, Natural Mom

    ReplyDelete